Let's Get Violent!

I will crush all resistance.

Guide to Hunting and Trapping An RPatz

HOW TO TRAP AN RPATZ:

HOW TO RECOGNIZE AN RPATZ IN THE WILD:



In order to capture an RPatz, you will need the appropriate bait. Consider using the following:

Cupcakes
Film scripts better than those for Twilight (shouldn't be hard to find)
marijuana (only where legal)
a sign that says "No Twilight Fans Allowed."'
Place your bait of choice under a box which has been propped up with a stick with a string tied around it. If cartoon logic proves right (and when has it not, really?), you should be able to pull the string and trap your new RPatz under the box. If he complains, tell him that you are doing this for his own good because you really, really love him. That should calm him down. Otherwise, try petting his stomach. It works on alligators.



SOME NOTES ON CARING FOR YOUR RPATZ:

FEEDING

WARNING: YOUR RPATZ CANNOT LIVE ON A STEADY DIET OF DEER OR WILDCAT BLOOD. While the cover art may appear pretty, Twilight is NOT an accurate guide to keeping an RPatz. Only trust official guides such as this one or the one written in 1996 by Geena Davis.
Since your RPatz is British, you may be inclined to feed him British food. I assure you, it would be much kinder to put a bullet in his brain and then violate his corpse.
Feed your RPatz bacon. Why? Because it's bacon.

BATHING

Bathing your RPatz will be a chore. He will likely show a great aversion to water or, in fact, any kind of personal hygiene.
If you experience too much trouble in this regard, strip him down and spray him with a hose. You are encouraged to take pictures of this event and share them with the internet.

DISCIPLINE

If your RPatz grows too talkative, you can utilize a Russel Brand to interrupt him.
Your RPatz may attempt to run away. If so, do not chase him into traffic. Instead, making a calming noise to lure him back. I suggest "I've got something shiny!" Or "MTV Films is bankrupt so Eclipse and Breaking Dawn won't be made."
In general, never underestimate the effect that even a PICTURE of Stephenie Meyer can have on your new RPatz.

TRICKS

You can make your RPatz talk with simple commands such as "ACT!" or "EMOTE!" (Please note: these techniques do NOT work on Kristen Stewarts and should not be attempted. Trying to get a Kristen Stewart to emote is like teaching a cat to do tricks: you might succeed but is it really worth it?)
Your RPatz may also be trained to roll over, beg, fetch and stand completely still looking very, very lost.
If all goes well, you should have your own well-trained RPatz in no time.

If it doesn't go well, you'll have to dispose of the corpse. But that's a lesson for another time, isn't it?

Found this on Buzznet and thought it was funny enough to copy and repost (kind of) as my own.

Uh...

Now for a limited time at Hot Topic...

To further the tweenage obsession...

Edward Cullen Body Shimmer

For 'skin made of a million diamond facets'

Obsess much, kids?

The South Shall Rise Again! (kinda)

I am a rare individual...

...If you didn't guess that already.
I took the Myers Briggs Personality test. Just for the heck of it:

INFJ - "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

What this says about me

Wisdom of the Ages

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.

-E.L. Doctorow

Sit back, cats and kittens, and think it over.

Silly Thought

In Ireland, unless you're giving birth it is impolite to refuse a pint when one is offered... Even then you should probably still take a few sips.

These things just randomly pop into my head. All the time. Usually when laughing to oneself would be most untimely and embarrassing.

I am Jackson Pollock

No two are the same. Try it out.

Creepy Surprise and a New Interest

I watched an episode of Criminal Minds featuring Jackson Rathbone as the villian. DAMN! He can really pull out the creepy when he needs to!
Even though I don't want to spoil things, I do have to admit that he makes one hot lady...

*jaw drops momentarily*

Besides this, I actually discovered the show's regular characters intriguing. Lucky for me I found a site with all the current episodes posted so I can start from the beginning to see if the show is really worthy of my interest or if this episode was a fluke.

BONUS
Enjoy the show, my imaginary audience!

Me & My Shadow

Yup, Yup

I laugh at the dumbest things

Happy Birthday to Me!

Ahh..yes! "Modern Medicine

This is pretty much how I always feel about doctors.

Guess what Target is selling now?

Freudian Slippers, anyone?

Let's be frank

...but I'd still like to be Leighta.

Insult to Injury

"I don't sit on my butt like two other people in this family"

Thanks, mum. Way to help my depression.

Childhood Fear Confession

Ever since childhood, I've had an rather strange love-hate relationship with robots.
When I was little there was this HUGE or so it seemed at the time robot that was the mascot of the city recycling program. It creeped me out and naturally I cried, screamed and did every childish thing to get the fuck out of there.
These days...
WALL-E is a little cutie pie. I can't imagine anyone not loving him
I'm a fan of NBC's 2008 version of "Knight Rider": KITT (aka the awesomely...awesome transforming Mustang) rocks my world. Frankly, I want KITT. Or even one of the crazy little yellow helper-bots (Lisa, Katie and Hank)
KARR (KITT's predecessor) however...



...Scares the shit out of me.


So I guess you never leave your seemingly irrational childhood fears behind.

Hang your head in shame, world!

I saw this posted on Cute With Chris. It really hit home. Probably my biggest dislike about modern politics is the way no one seems to make an effort to understand or be tolerant of differences. In policy, obviously, differences are embraced; in reality...not so much.
I am reminded of a song...
What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?

Seriously. If a dog and an elephant can do, why not people too?